Posts made in November, 2014

A little of my story

Posted by on Nov 16, 2014 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

I know what it’s like to feel alone. Some of my earliest memories are saturated with fear and sadness around not fitting in. I longed to be known and loved, but wondered if that was truly possible. When it came to God, I assumed things were no different. I believed God existed, but figured He knew what a misfit I was (not to mention a host of sinful shortcomings), and probably didn’t want much to do with me.

With childlike simplicity and deep resolve I determined to show God and everyone else that I did belong. Performance was my strategy, achievement my friend. The world rewarded winners with attention and acceptance, so I set out to be the best at whatever I did. I devoted myself to excellence believing that eventually, if I was good enough, loneliness would become a thing of the past.

While I experienced some success along the way, my deepest longing to be known and loved wasn’t satisfied. The attention I gained with each accomplishment was short-lived and I was left to prove myself all over again. Performance became a ruthless master, dangling hope in front of me of the intimacy I craved, but never delivering.

During high school I was told the greatest news I’ve ever heard even to this day. I had gotten it all wrong with God. He did know how short I fell, but that had nothing to do with how He felt about me (and everyone else for that matter). I learned that He loved me not for how well I performed, but for who I was. The mere fact that I existed, that I was created by Him with His imprint on my life, was reason enough for Him to feel great affection for me. What an awesome surprise!

I found that belonging was ultimately about asking God to do for me what I could never do for myself. So I did. In the mountains of Colorado, I asked God to be my father, to forgive me of all my sin and to make me into the man He intended me to be … a lifelong overhaul from the inside out. My assurance of acceptance was rooted in the fact that He had sent His son, Jesus Christ, to suffer the consequences of my sin so that I could be brought forever into His family.

That moment set me on a journey throughout the endless territory of God’s unconditional love. The terrain has been challenging but the path has led me to places of breathtaking beauty and genuine joy. Old habits die hard and I’ve reverted to seasons of performance and self-reli- ance along the way. But my heavenly Father has repeatedly taken me back to the reality of His grace (unmerited favor) and the refuge of belonging found only in Him.

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